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MURDER, MAYHEM, MISTLETOE
By
Samantha Storm
(c) copyright January 2007 Samantha Storm
Cover art by Jenny Dixon (c) copyright January 2007
New Concepts Publishing
4729 Humphreys Rd.
Lake Park, GA 31636
www.newconceptspublishing.com
Chapter One
The party had hit its high point--five dozen people drunk on spiked eggnog swayed back and forth to a tipsy rendition of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
On one side of the room, an associate shouted at her boss, saying things hopefully neither one would remember in the morning. A foot away, the head of accounting necked with the UPS man, under a piece of mistletoe haphazardly scotch-taped above the door for just such an occasion.
All things were as they should be the night before Christmas.
Theodora Madison settled herself against the wall and sipped on seltzer water as she watched the night's activities with both curiosity and amusement. She had drawn the short straw, which meant she currently wore the Golden Crown proclaiming her the designated driver of the tenth floor.
She had accepted this noble endeavor and the crown, a piece of white paper covered with yellow Post-it Notes, with both regret and relief. Regret for not being able to get sloshed with her coworkers, and relief she wouldn't have an opportunity to relive last years drunken, and not well thought out, excursion on the copy machine with a very hunky guy from the mailroom.
"Theodora." Her name was accompanied by a wet kiss on the back of her neck and a pair of strong, male hands on her ass.
She swatted at the hands. "Don't call me Theodora and get off me." She had known Charlie too long to take offense at the grope.
He stood in front her, head bowed and hands behind his back, looking more like a scolded seven-year-old than a thirty-year-old, hunky, and successful dot comer. "Sorry Teddy. Do you have any idea where Beth is?"
"Last time I saw her, Charlie, she was talking to that cute guy in accounting." Thank God Teddy had been drinking seltzer water. She blotted away at the large wet spot spreading across her skirt. Two inches lower and it would have looked like she'd peed her pants.
"Crap! Why can't I get the woman to commit?"
Teddy resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Could it have something to do with the fact you refuse to stop seeing other women?"
His expression was earnest. "I've been totally faithful to Beth."
Teddy raised an eyebrow and took a sip of her drink. It was impressive Charlie could actually say that with a straight face.
"Okay, there was a blonde last month, but it was nothing, she meant nothing to me, and Beth doesn't know anything about it."
"You sure about that?"
Charlie grabbed her shoulders and asked, "Why, what did she tell you?"
What was left of Teddy's drink sloshed onto the floor. "About twenty minutes ago she was telling everyone you were a total horn dog incapable of keeping your hands off anything in a short skirt," she answered, trying to pry of his fingers loose. The man was strong. And his steel, death-grip was going to leave bruises.
He released her and scanned the room. "Crap! Which way did she go?"
Teddy rubbed her arm and pointed towards Waswald's office.
Charlie stormed across the room, pushing bodies out of his way like a drunken Moses parting the Red Sea.
Fred Waswald, Chief of Operations, was in the throws of a mid life crisis and on the make for a young, preferably big busted, conquest, or so said the office rumor mill. Like a lion on the prowl in the wilds of Africa, the office staff watched him stalk the women of the tenth floor.
Wednesday, he made a swift and unexpected pounce on the temporary receptionist--how about you, me, and a bottle of wine this weekend was met with an icy stare and dead silence.
This very public rejection forced him to attempt a more desperate move on Friday. The prey was an unsuspecting twenty-something brunette who pushed a cart around the floor every morning between 8:15 and 8:30 selling lattes and bagels. The bagel girl wore a short skirt, high heels, seemed to have a preference for blue nail polish, and most days sported a diamond nose ring.
No one was privy to Waswald's latest attempt. He chose to pounce in private. The result--a red bruise across his chubby cheek in the shape of a twenty-something hand.
A set of long red fingernails waved in front of Teddy's face. "Charlie's off to see Mr. Wiggles?" Fred Waswald AKA Mr. Wiggles to his employees.
The redhead standing before her swayed ever so slightly back and forth. Paula, Teddy's best friend and comrade-in-arms, was tipsy and happily on her way to becoming fully intoxicated. Man, it really sucked being the designated driver. "He's off to find Beth. Have you seen her?" Teddy asked.
Silence from a chatty woman was always suspect. Teddy took one look at Paula's Cheshire cat grin and purred. "Okay, fess up, what did you see?"
"Beth was kissing Wiggles."
"Impossible!"
"I swear. I opened his office door and there she was sitting on the old man's lap, nibbling at his earlobes."
Teddy shuddered in horror at the visual. "That's truly repulsive. She must be sloshed. We've got to go save her."
Paula pointed a long, red fingernail towards Wiggle's office. "Too late, any second Charlie's busting in on them."
"Ideas?" They needed a distraction. "Come on, think! Something fast and brash, he's almost to the door."
Paula's eyebrows narrowed in concentration.
When it came to deception, destruction and distractions, Paula was one of the best.
"Start a fire? Flash the crowd?" Paula asked.
Teddy looked down at her black elegant evening gown with spaghetti straps and sexy slit up one side. She'd piled her hair into a mass of brown curls on top of her head--extra effort had gone into looking glamorous this evening. "I'm not dressed for a strip tease. How about, I'll start the fire, you do the tease."
Paula pulled on the strap of her gold sequined tank top and frowned. "Why do I always get stuck stripping?"
Teddy shrugged, laughed, and pointed to the nearest desk.
Paula finished off her drink in one gulp, threw the plastic glass over her shoulder and sighed loudly as she started upwards. Not an easy task when sporting a red mini skirt and matching fuck me pumps.
Teddy tugged at Paula's leg. "Too late!" Charlie just walked straight into the office." Charlie was huge, incredibly jealous, and capable of violence. He was about to catch his girlfriend shagging the boss. Things were going from bad to worse.
"Wasn't Charlie a football player in college?" Paula asked as she shimmied off the desk.
Teddy grabbed her arm, pulling her through a sea of drunk and sweaty bodies. "Defensive line. He outweighs Wiggles by fifty pounds."
"This could end badly."
"Do you have your cell phone?" Teddy asked, nudging the snobby blonde from reception aside with a little more force than was necessary.
Paula raised her wrist and wrestled with her red sequined purse. She victoriously held up her new four inch phone. "What's the plan?"
Teddy grabbed the phone and tried to make out the miniscule numbers on its ridiculously tiny front panel. "We burst into the office. If Charlie has Wiggles in a head lock, we call 911."
"Do we have to call the cops?" Paula pouted. To a woman who was always one speeding ticket away from losing her license, cops ranked right up there with dentists.
"Do you think you can pull Charlie off Wiggles?" Teddy gave up with the phone and figured worse case scenario they could start screaming fire at the top of their lungs. No way was Teddy going to risk her precious body to break up a fight between two grown men. Especially when one of those men could squash her like a bug with one hand tied behind his back.
"Good point. What about getting some of these able bodied men to help?" Paula pointed towards the center of the room where the mass of bodies was most concentrated.
Teddy watched her coworkers slapping each other on the back and downing shots of tequila. Not even sober could they handle Charlie in a full rage. Cops were the only solution. Even drunk Charlie might think twice before decking a man in uniform.
Five feet from the office door, a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around Teddy's waist and a masculine voice whispered into her ear, "Sweetheart, you look smashing tonight."
"Thanks." She didn't recognize the voice or the hands. The hands were moving fast. Every time she peeled one off, it reappeared somewhere else a few inches higher. At this rate, in the next few seconds, he would know her intimately.
Paula was suddenly in front of her, hand on one hip, disapproving expression plastered across her face. "Teddy, do you really think we have time for this?"
"Help!" Teddy said, peeling off fingers resting just below her ribcage.
Paula crossed her arms and looked annoyed. "Do you even know this guy?"
"I can't even see this guy. Hey buddy, do I know you?" Teddy demanded as she attempted to twirl around. He seemed to anticipate her movements and instead of facing him, she found herself suddenly pulled tight into his body.
"I've been trying to meet you all night." His breath tickled the back of her neck.
God, he had an Australian accent. If he looked as good as he sounded…. Teddy shook her head and tried to focus on the task at hand--saving Wiggles.
She glared at Paula. "SOS. I can't get free. What's he look like? Is he cute?"
Paula started to answer, and Teddy raised her hand. "Forget it, I don't want to know, just get me loose." Teddy's other hand was busy swatting away very inquisitive fingers.
Paula grabbed Teddy's arm and started to pull. "Dude, let go of my friend."
Teddy started laughing. "Dude?"
Paula glared at her and kept pulling. "Would you prefer Mister?"
"Carry on. Put some muscle into it," Teddy said, trying to ignore the delicious sensation running down the back of her neck every time her assailant exhaled.
A determined look crossed Paula's face as she dug in her six inch heels and started walking backwards.
One moment Teddy was a prisoner. The next she was flying straight into Paula. Both women went down in a tangle of arms and legs. Teddy's carefully prepared coiffure now covered her face.
"Sorry, I think I've had a tad too much to drink. Are you okay?" The Australian voice asked.
Teddy pushed curls out of her eyes, straightened her spaghetti straps, and looked up into a pair of sea green eyes.
The man was a total hunk. She opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out.
"Ladies and gentlemen, for the third time in Teddy's life, she has been rendered speechless," Paula proclaimed as she tried, unsuccessfully, to get up off the floor without flashing the crowd.
Teddy threw an elbow and had the satisfaction of hearing a 'you bitch' when it connected with Paula's ribcage.
For the moment Charlie and Wiggles were forgotten while Teddy's eyes wandered across Prince Charming's very broad chest, slowly taking in his tapered waist before her eyes settled on a rather large bulge. Prince Charming, Jr. looked happy to see her.
Paula was not a woman to waste time or opportunity. She extended a hand towards Prince Charming and demanded, "Name?"
One very muscular arm pulled Paula effortlessly to her feet. The word, "Zack" slowly escaped out of a pair of luscious lips.
Paula batted eyelids heavy with mascara and purred, "Employed?"
"Yes." Zack answered.
"Married?"
"Single."
"Gay?" Paula demanded.
"Straight."
Winking at Teddy, Paula intertwined her arm with Zack's and asked, "Teddy, dear…what are you still doing down there?"
Zack took a step forward as if to offer assistance, but Paula pulled him gently back. "Do tell me more about yourself? Are you in town long?"
Teddy pushed herself unceremoniously off the ground and cursed Paula under her breath.
"Do you normally go around grabbing strangers?" Paula asked Zack as she leaned forward just far enough to show off her impressive cleavage.
"Not on a daily basis," Zack answered, his eyes gliding across the mounds of exposed flesh, "Your Mates put me up to it." He pointed towards a small group of men laughing in the background.
Paula and Teddy chanted in unison. "Eggheads!"
Teddy sneered in their direction. "I told you those damn computer geeks have way too much time on their hands."
Teddy waved to the computer department, and they in turn raised their glasses in salute.
It was payback. Last week on a dare, Teddy snuck into their department and while the eggheads were off eating lunch, she loaded pornographic screensavers on their systems.
If the computer dudes thought having a hunky Australian dude grope her in public was some sort of punishment, they really needed to get a life. Or a more creative ring leader.
It was time for Teddy to open her flirt arsenal if she was to compete with Paula's cleavage.
"What brings you to our party?" Teddy asked, exposing and adjusting her black garter belt.
His eyes swung from Paula's tatas to the slit of Teddy's dress showing off her thigh.
Paula mouthed the words, "Not fair," over Zack's shoulder as he turned and pointed to a fellow in the midst of the eggheads sporting a striped shirt and a pocket protector. "That's my cousin. I'm visiting the States and staying with him."
Prince Charming was related to Bob the king of the eggheads? It was hard to imagine genes that created those hypnotic green eyes, chiseled chin, and scrumptious lips were somewhere buried deep within Bob the nerd.
"Zack, how would you like to come help us rescue a damsel in distress?" Teddy purred wrapping herself around his other arm.
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