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"Five Angels! I loved this story, it gets a perfect five angels because of the humor, the characters are fun and easy to imagine and like. Tor and Hauk are the best throughout this story. Not only are they sexy and virile but also are comical and well described in excellent detail. The sex is HOT, it’s not just a wham bam thank you ma’am, but the scenes are mind blowing and drawn out good that entices the reader. Samantha and Colette are hot headed and strong willed, good characters but what really got me involved were the guys. They just made the story excellent to read." Fallen Angels Reviews
"Intergalactic Bad Boys is a very fun and exciting story to read. The mishaps the guys get into are hilarious and it was fun watching the guys try to deal with the two feisty women. Ms. Fox puts a new and very welcomed spin to futuristic romance in Intergalactic Bad Boys. The story flows quickly and very well and all her characters are very likable. Oh yeah, the intimate scenes? Watch out...they are super hot! This is definitely a book worth reading over and over again and one I highly recommend." In the Library Review
"Four 1/2 Roses! Ms. Fox has written a funny, fast paced space-odyssey full of humor. I enjoyed this story and am looking forward to hopefully finding out what happens to one of Tor’s fellow bad-boys and a certain female cop." A Romance Review
“Never before have I read about aliens such as these in INTERGALATIC BAD BOYS. Jaide Fox brings readers intriguing and unique aliens, who are exotically sexy, kind, somewhat goofy and sensitive. Ms. Fox pens comedy and hot arousing sex that go hand in hand in INTERGALATIC BAD BOYS. It is with great anticipation to see what Ms. Fox has in store for the remaining crew members in the future. I will be anxiously waiting in line for the next one!” Tracey West, The Road to Romance
"Five Hearts! Jaide Fox is a great author. This book truly shows off her writing talent. Comedy is abundant and the situations that Sam and Tor get themselves into will have you laughing out loud. Tor is a sensitive type of alien, no matter how badly he wants Sam, he is willing to wait until she's ready to be with him. Sam fights her feelings for Tor and does a pretty good job of holding out. The tension between them is obvious in every page. The comic styling of Tor's friends are hilarious! I hope Fox does a follow up to this book with more stories about the rest of Tor's friends. The descriptions of outer space and Tor's planet gave a great basis for imagination. One can only hope that there are more stories about this fantastic group yet to come." The Romance Studio
"Five Stars! This funny, sexy romp through space had me hot and bothered all through the book, but I had a big smile on my face the entire time! This is such a quick paced book that I devoured it in one sitting and sat back with a happy sigh and a quick chuckle when I finished it. I’m dying to find out what Ms. Fox has in store for the rest of Tor’s crew as well as Cole, the other Earth female abducted. Jaide Fox gives her readers another great story in Intergalactic Bad Boys." Vikky Bertling, Just Erotic Romance Review Newsletter
"Get ready for a bumpy, titillating ride on the passion train headed for Vulkahn. Author Jaide Fox tantalizes readers with tall, dark, sexy alien men, and strong women who aren't into the submission scene. No, this is not a BDSM book, but it does have an element or two. <g> I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed this book and savored every single word." Romance Reviews Today
"Five Stars! Comedic yet romantic this book has it all. Tor is a dominant alien who wants his woman when he wants her . . . no questions asked. “I am woman and won’t take anything” is Samantha’s motto. So what do you get when you add one arrogant yet sexy alien and a woman with a kick ass attitude? You get a story full of action and adventure with plenty of laughs and incredibly wicked sex scenes. Combining all my favorite themes, Intergalactic Bad Boys is a keeper in my book." Angel Brewer, Just Erotic Romance Review Newsletter
"INTERGALACTIC BAD BOYS is a quick, funny read that will tickle your senses and make you realize all men are the same, no matter which planet they call home. If you only have a few hours and want to have more than a few laughs, buy INTERGALACTIC BAD BOYS." Romance Junkies
"...Ms Fox has written INTERGALACTIC BAD BOYS as pure eye candy for the senses, and has given this story a very modern twist. Be advised that the build up of INTERGALACTIC BAD BOYS is two-thirds of the story. If you are looking for a story with all sex and no story this is NOT the one for you. INTERGALACTIC BAD BOYS is a graphic story with tons of feeling.” Sensual Romance Reviews
INTERGALACTIC BAD BOYS
By
Jaide Fox
© copyright by Jaide Fox, October 2003
Cover Art by Eliza Black
ISBN 1-58608-331-7
New Concepts Publishing
www.newconceptspublishing.com
Chapter One
“What the fuck was that?” Tor Severian demanded groggily as the scream of metal reached the cock pit and the ship shuddered.
“What?” Kerel, who was piloting the sleek sports rocket, asked irritably, juggling his drink in one hand and the steering controls in the other.
“He missed it by a mile,” Hauk said.
“Missed what?” Bradan and Galan asked in a chorus, sitting up from their sprawl on the floor.
At just that moment, the computer burst loose with a loud squawk, “Warning! Warning! The hull has been breached.”
“Dammit, Kerel,” Tor said angrily. “I thought you told me you knew how to drive this model. Now you’ve screwed up my brand new sports rocket.”
Hauk spoke up, “He does. I just bet him he couldn’t get through that meteor belt without hitting anything. And he said he could. It’s his fault.”
“I can fly this thing blind,” Kerel boasted, using one finger to push the wheel around.
“Yeah, but can you fly it blind drunk?” Tor asked, standing, clutching his head with a loud groan before collapsing back down on the bench.
“You’re one to talk. If you hadn’t been so determined to drink everyone under the table and passed out, I wouldn’t have to be driving this thing.”
“Warning! Oxygen levels are dropping,” the computer interrupted cheerfully.
Tor got up and looked blearily at the gauges for several moments. “Oh shit.”
“Famous last words,” Hauk said.
“Shut the hell up,” Tor slurred. “We’re in trouble guys. We’re going to have to set this baby down and do some work on it. Get up, Kerel, and let me see if I can find some place to set her down.” Tor pulled Kerel out of the seat.
Kerel staggered away, slinging brew off his hands. “Hey! You made me spill my brew!”
“Warning! Oxygen levels have dropped to 80 percent.”
“Shut up,” Tor said to Kerel, looking owl-eyed at the sticky controls, now dripping brew. After a moment, he decided he wasn’t currently in a state to fly it. “All right, who’s the soberest?”
A ten minute argument ensued while they discussed who was the drunkest. Tor was getting irritated. He’d lost his buzz. “All right, Dammit. Who just woke up?”
Galan and Bradan raised their arms weakly.
Tor pointed at Galan. “Okay, ‘cause you passed out before I did, you had at least thirty minutes to sleep it off. Have a look at the map and find us some place to put this down.”
“Warning! Oxygen level has dropped to 70 percent.”
“But this is uncharted space. Remember, we took the shortcut?” Galan said.
“Shit!” Tor said. “Computer, would you shut up the warnings already. We heard you. Do something useful. Find us a place to set down. Bradan, find something and stuff it in that breach so the computer can think of something besides the hole.”
“Like what?” Bradan asked, rubbing his eyes and then looking around the small cabin blankly. Empty brew cans rolled across the floor as the ship swayed.
“I don’t know. Stuff a sock in it,” Tor said irritably.
Bradan struggled to his feet and went to the door, pulling on the lever, but the door didn’t budge. He grunted, pulling on it several times before giving up and looking back at Tor. “Door’s stuck.”
Tor rolled his eyes. “Computer, open the door.”
“I’m sorry, the outer chamber has been compromised. If I open the door, you will all implode,” computer said cheerfully. “I am not allowed to do anything that would harm life.”
“Great, just great,” Tor grumbled, rubbing his hands over his face.
“Hey, Tor. I think I found something. Does that look like a hunk of metal to you?” Hauk asking, pointing out the front panel.
Everyone rushed to the windows and plastered their faces to the glass. The ship chugged over what looked like a mangled wing piece. Sailing onward, they passed another.
Tor grinned. “We’re saved! Where there’s trash, there’s life. Follow that junk, Galan.”
After a few minutes, a bright blue planet swirling with atmosphere came into view. Tor stood imperiously at the prow, his hands on his hips. Maybe it was the decreasing oxygen that had sobered him up so quickly. “Computer, scan for vitals. Can it support life?”
“Scanning now. The atmosphere is a combination of oxygen--”
He didn’t feel like listening to a list of vitals. They didn’t really have much time. “Can we breathe it?” Tor interrupted.
“Yes.”
“Hot damn!” Galan and Bradan shouted in unison.
“Are there women, computer?” Bradan asked, rubbing his hands together excitedly.
“It appears females outnumber the male species on this planet.”
“Whoo hoo!” Bradan yelled. Kerel released a triumphant war cry and coughed on the last sip of his brew.
“All right....” Tor rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. “Computer, download languages into the translators. Galan, set us down some place ... balmy. And we probably need plenty of cover. It’s too much to hope stealth mode is still working.”
“Uh ... it’s all I can do to steer this thing. The play in it’s a bitch.”
“That’s because we’re dragging half the galaxy with us,” Tor said, angry that his buddy dared to disparage his baby.
Kerel, who was standing beside him but apparently not keeping up with the conversation, nodded drunkenly. “I could use some sun.”
Hauk laughed. “Your pasty ass needs it, Kerel.”
“Stop it,” Kerel said, frowning, looking down at his mysteriously empty brew container. “You should talk. You’re almost as white as I am.”
“I’m blond. I’m supposed to be--you don’t have any excuse,” Hauk said.
“You two are making my head pound again. Kerel, you’re not going anywhere. You fucked up the ship, you get to fix it,” Tor warned. “Galan, get us the hell down there before I kill these two. I think the depleting oxygen is killing brain cells.”
Galan grinned, saluting. “Yes, sir.”
“And hit that button right there,” Tor pointed at it. “Federation knows we don’t want some heathens shooting our asses out of the sky.”
* * * *
The sun was high in the sky when dirt flew from the ground in a fine spray of grit and grass. The earth depressed under a heavy, unseen weight. There was a whining hiss of steam, and then a door appeared from nowhere, folding outward to become a thick, planed ramp.
Five men stumbled from the dim interior, blinking at the bright, summer sun.
Sweat popped out instantly on their skin. A cacophony of irritating chirps started up from deep in the surrounding woods.
Tor grimaced, looking around. “You landed us at a swamp, Galan.”
Galan shrugged, stretching, then rubbed his stomach lazily. “You said some place balmy. I was going by the temperature gauge on the ship.”
Tor grunted, rounding his shoulders to ease the kink in them. “Well, get to work, Kerel. I’d like to get back to my break this millennia.”
“I can’t even see the ship. How’m I supposed to work on it in stealth mode?” he asked irritably. He was always irritable. Kerel seriously needed to get laid.
“Same way you get around with your head up your ass,” Hauk said, laughing.
Kerel frowned when everyone joined in. “Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.”
Tor chuckled, hitting the remote. The air flickered, wavering, and the ship flashed into view. “I suppose it’s safe, since there doesn’t seem to be anyone around this federation forsaken place.”
“Thanks. A lot.” Kerel grumbled as he went inside to look for tools.
“Wonder what the locals look like,” Bradan mused, laying on the grass with his legs crossed. Galan laid down next to his brother, falling asleep and snoring almost immediately. Bradan swatted an insect from his arm. “They have blood suckers. Better turn on your protective fields.”
“Damn thing makes my hair stand on end,” Hauk muttered, switching his on. Sure enough, his hair rose off his forehead and frizzed.
Kerel came back out, arms loaded with brews and tools. He drank half of one before pulling the welder out.
“I never thought you one to worry about how pretty you look, Hauk. Think you’ll see some action here?” Tor asked, grinning as he switched his protective field on too. He popped the top on a brew and took a long swig, passing the remaining brews to his friends.
“I can hope,” Hauk muttered, taking a brew for himself.
“For all you know they’re covered with hair, smell like fonktol droppings, and have two pussies apiece.”
“Two wouldn’t be so bad. Gives me ideas.” Hauk chuckled, waggling his eyebrows.
“You ain’t got enough to satisfy one, Hauk,” Kerel piped up from under the hull, tinkering with the welder to get it started.
“You been checking me out, Kerel? I didn’t know you swung both ways.”
“Ha ha. That’s all I’m saying. Ha.”
“By the Federation, I hope they’re not that ugly. I haven’t seen a woman in...,” Bradan trailed off, frowning as he counted his fingers.
“Since we left. And it hasn’t been that long,” Tor finished for him. “You’re doing that wrong,” he said to Kerel, pointing his brew at the hull before taking a sip.
“Yeah,” Hauk piped up. “You’re holding it backwards.”
Kerel turned it around. He blinked up at Hauk. “No, it goes the other way. Maybe if someone wasn’t blocking my light....”
“I don’t think so,” Tor said, taking another swallow of brew, standing over Kerel. “The big end attaches to the ship.”
Kerel grunted, swiping the back of his hand across his forehead, smearing a streak of dirt. “Do you want to do this?”
“I’m satisfied watching you.”
“Asshole.”
“That’s Prince Asshole to you.”
“He’s right, Kerel. You’re never going to get the welder started that way. Put it on the metal so it sparks a reaction.” Hauk pointed his toe at the rough edge of the hole, finishing off his brew and starting on another.
“Shit!” Bradan said.
“What?” Tor asked, turning around.
“I spilled my brew. Any more?”
“I don’t know. Go inside and check the galley.”
He stood and brushed dirt off himself before going inside. A minute later he was back, white faced and wide eyed. “You won’t believe this.” He took a long breath, steadying himself. “We’re out of brew.”
“Huh?”
“No!”
“You’re shitting me!”
The commotion woke Galan. He snorted, coming up swinging. “Get off me fucker.” He looked around, confused when he didn’t hit an attacker. “Oh ... uh. What’s going on?”
“Okay, don’t have a shit fit, everyone. Did you check the cooling units and the cock pit?” Tor asked. “You weren’t gone very long.”
“I used computer when I couldn’t find any. She ran a scan and said Kerel took the last.”
“Fuck!” Hauk crushed the last brew container, tossing it into the ship. “That’s just wonderful. First the ship, now no brews and no women.”
“It’s not like we’ll die without it. Hell, that’s what got us in this fix to start with,” Tor said, looking morosely at the empty brews. It wasn’t that they habitually got snockered, but brew sickness would set in before long, and the only cure for brew sickness was more brew ... heaving his guts out held no appeal. He brightened suddenly. “There’s civilization here, right? Let’s go get some more.”
“My prince, I would follow you anywhere,” Hauk said, grinning as he slapped an arm across his chest and bowed.
Tor pushed him up the ramp and kicked a foot towards his ass, missing.
“What’s going on?” Galan asked, swaying as he got on his feet.
“We’re going to get you some fuel, fonktol,” Bradan said, pushing him. Galan pushed back, and they were soon on the ground, wrestling for dominance.
Tor rolled his eyes. “Get your asses off the dirt and get ready. Let’s see what this planet has to offer. Might as well enjoy ourselves while we’re here.”
An hour later they’d showered and put on their best clothes. Kerel was relegated to guard duty and fixing the ship.
“This blows,” he said. “You know I don’t like working sober.”
“Whatever. Don’t get any bright ideas and lose my remote or I’ll kick your ass,” Tor said, handing Kerel the remote to the ship.
Galan had marked a city not far away, and they made their way to it in a short time. They kept their protective fields on until they reached the edges of town.
Hauk switched his off first. “This place is a dump. No wonder they left trash in space. It’s everywhere down here.” He kicked a crumpled wad into the path of an oncoming metal vehicle, watching it dance in the wind.
“It’s a sign of higher life,” Tor said, grimacing.
“Not necessarily,” Hauk muttered beneath his breath.
“Hey, these surroundings remind me of those transmissions we received,” Galan said, elbowing past his brother to Tor’s and Hauk’s side. “I wonder if this is where they originated from?”
Tor looked around. Metal vehicles zoomed maniacally past them on the road, held in check only by markings on the road and a short stone curb. “You have a point. These vehicles look similar to those broadcasts. It could be the same place.”
Bradan whitened. “The area where we landed looked much like that study on recreation and mating. What was it? De-liv-er-an...?”
“We did fly over a river very similar and wide,” Galan muttered, stroking his chin thoughtfully as he looked around.
“Do you think squealing like a pig is some mating call? I didn’t watch the transmission after the dominant male took the submissive.” Tor shuddered. He stopped, watching as a vehicle pulled toward a building and halted. A man, similar in appearance to themselves, swung the door open and got out, giving Tor an appreciative look before going into the building. Tor glared at him and the male looked away. “The males look much the same as we, but I like not how they look at us. I think perhaps their males mate only with each other. If this planet was seeded as our own was, something went awry.”
“Then it’s natural to assume females would too. Go for each other that is,” Hauk surmised.
“That could be interesting,” Bradan said, grinning.
“Get your mind off your cock, Bradan. The females may have died out and the males resorted to each other afterward. It’s happened on planets before,” Tor said thoughtfully. “The males on Vulkahn are horny as two plebians in heat. I’ve no doubt they would do the same until the species died out completely.”
“I think only Kerel and Bradan qualify as plebians,” Hauk snorted.
“Shut up, smart ass,” Bradan muttered.
“Do you think it was wise leaving Kerel alone?” Galan asked.
Hauk laughed.
“Kerel has all the weapons on board at his disposal. Now, this building appears to distribute goods. Hauk and I will go in to procure some brew. You and Bradan, wait out here.”
“That’s fine. I have to piss anyway,” Bradan said, sauntering around the building.
“Me too,” Galan said, following.
Tor shrugged and opened the door, walking inside. Hauk followed, examining shelves of brightly colored packages.
Tor turned to an elder man standing behind a counter. He appeared to be in charge. “Where is your brew?”
The man gave him a blank look, his mouth dropping open slightly. Tor tried not to glare at him. Would every male he encountered stare at him like some juicy piece of meat?
“You don’t have your translator on,” Hauk said, picking up a package and sniffing it.
“Shit! I forgot the universal language hasn’t reached this far.” Tor pressed the centerpiece of the necklace he wore before trying again. “Where is your brew?” It garbled his words a few times before he finally managed to speak in a language the man understood.
The old man gave him a suspicious once over, making him feel immediately better about his sexuality. “Brewskies are over there,” he said, pointing toward the back.
“Hauk, keep your mind off your stomach and grab some brew.” Tor turned back to the old man, swaying a little from turning his head too quickly.
“You smell like you’ve already had a few. Against the law to sell to a drunk,” he said, chewing a lump in his mouth before spitting into a cup.
What kind of barbarous planet was this? Brew was for special occasions, though this man could not know he was on his break. And he was not ... drunk? “I’m not snockered,” he said, slurring the words. Okay, perhaps he was a little. Brew was notoriously hard to get out of the system. He still had to look forward to brew sickness ... eventually. He was feeling woozy, but he thought maybe the heat was just getting to him.
Hauk came up and set two sets of six brews down on the glass counter. They looked like the ones in the broadcasts he’d seen of ugly, squat, brownish creatures sitting in swampland spouting the name of the brew. That only confirmed how strange these barbarians truly were.
“You sure that’s enough?” Tor asked.
Hauk shrugged. “Probably not. The men here are puny. But we don’t need any more brew. I’ve about had my fill.”
“True. How much?” he asked the man.
“Sixteen bucks.”
Tor blanched. “For brew?” He fished around in his money pouch and withdrew a credit disk, slapping it down on the counter.
“Don’t take no credit cards in here. Checks neither. Cash only.”
Tor frowned, slipping the credit disk back in his pouch, and pulled out a handful of fed-units.
The old man’s eyes gleamed. “Y’all ain’t from around here, are you?”
“No. We’re from Vulkahn,” Tor said absently, counting out his fed-units.
“That’s what I figured. I know all about trekkies. My daughter’s one. These real?” He picked one up and bit it. “Tastes like it.”
Tor and Hauk gave him a disgusted look as the fed-unit came away with a brownish coating. “Of course they are. This enough for the brew?”
He snorted, laughing. “Looks good to me.”
As they turned to go, a whining blip ruptured the air. Tor and Hauk nearly jumped out of their skins.
“What the hell was that?” Hauk shouted, grabbing the brews as he led the way outside.
They rounded the corner just in time to see Galan and Bradan--their hands bound behind their backs--being stuffed inside a metal vehicle with red and blue flashing lights atop the conveyance. A man in dark blue spared them a narrow eyed glance before slamming the door and settling inside.
“Fuck me,” Tor muttered in stunned breathlessness.
“Where do you think they’re taking them?” Hauk asked Tor.
The old man had followed. “They’ve been arrested, numbnuts. They’re probably taking them to jail.”
Hauk gave Tor a look. He didn’t need to say anything--they were both thinking the same thing.
They were in deep shit.
“How do we get them out?” Tor asked.
The man looked at them like they were fonktol brains. “You bail them out. With money. Not those.” He pushed the fed-units away. “You need to go to the bank and exchange the jewels for cash.”
“Where is this ... bank?” Tor asked, stuffing the fed-units back in their pouch.
“Round that way.” He gave them directions and they were soon off.
Tor only hoped this bank wouldn’t give them trouble with the fed-units. So far, this planet had been worse than boring, and he hadn’t seen the first female to even make it bearable. If Kerel didn’t get his sports rocket fixed.... His hands tightened with the impulse to strangle him.
The thought of no women alone was enough to sober him and foul his mood. There damn well better be something entertaining here, he thought, trudging alongside Hauk. Kerel and Hauk both needed their asses kicked for fucking around.
“We could try breaking them out of jail, like in those ... uh ... Westens,” Hauk said, as if reading his thoughts.
“I see no cowboys here, though it’s almost dirty enough to be a Westen. It could be amusing. We might try that later. I’m tempted to let them stew awhile for what they’ve done.”
“Who knew you could be arrested for pissing?”
“Who indeed. This is a strange planet. Similar to the transmissions, and yet much different,” Tor said. “There’s the bank he spoke of. Let’s get this over with.”
“Yeah. Right. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
Tor looked up at the faceless, glass facade. “You’re not the only one.”
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